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Sunday, May 8, 2011

arrrGGgHHHHHHhhh....!!!

relax merpati.. relax... remember patience is a virtue.... i'm soooooo mad now till it feels like i want to cry...

*with the song of Maha Melihat by Opik hitting my ears right now, but in a very pleasing way, makes my heart a bit emotional, plus the calmness environment at masjid here... thanks Allah... :') ....

it suppose to be a very delightful day with my mom and the rest of the family... why?? because today is Mother's Day.... yes.. i miss you mak, i love you mak... and always pray for you, mak.... even though i just went back last thursday till monday... still... i never celebrate Mother's Day without giving my mom anything.... just called her this morning and told her that i love her and thanks 4 taking care of me all this while with high patience...

But, that was not the reason why i feels so angry right now...

The only "white" thing in the world that i don't like or suffice to say that i really hate is WORM.... yup the white worm usually found near the garbage or dirty places. So, yup!
dirty = worm = totally not me...

This is not the first time it happened but used to happen before and i did gave a warning but in a nice way... but doesn't seems to work i guess..

Well, this is where the whole story began...
........ i was just about to finish washing all my clothes. don't even get to sit to catch back my breath i saw small ants all around the dinning table... i took a closer look.... ooooo s**t.... yup i also didn't aspect that word will came out from my mouth... i never want it to be like that... but i'm sooooo pissed off... do i have to remind them to throw away all the "sisa makanan" after you finish it?? what, do you aspect someone to throw it 4 you is it??... arggghhhhhh...... (astagfirullaAllah hal 'azim....) feels like i want to throw glass to the wall or hit the wall with my hand... but what's the point.. "they" have done nothing to me... merpati, don't put your anger towards something else.... ( ya Allah... astagfirullaAllah.. forgive me...)

yup... that's why i straight away cleaned everything up, i sprayed, i mopped and i just walked out the door... want to get a moment to calm and "beristighfar" ...

i thought... the first thing that i want to update here after my birthday suppose to be a cheerful and happy mood but then.... i don't know...

plus, there's another thing happened... its between my study and my beloved usrah... just imagine, they aspect me to go to a camp but they informed me on friday (the day where we all supposed to go to the camp side after maghrib)... yes, kakak naqibah did informed me about a camp early on the month of april but that was like...
" urm.. dalam awal bulan 5 la.. dia kem yang besar... lapangkan lah minggu2 awal bulan 5... program? adalah.. kne pergi dulu baru tahu... siapa lagi? nanti hari tu tahu la.. tapi sekarang jangan inform pada siapa2 dahulu ye... dengan rangers pun jangan... t akak akan cerita lagi"... 

i never told anyone even till a friend (same usrah with me.. a PPC guy at UNITEN..) asked me...
" eh, x pergi kem ker? minggu ni? selepas kita exam culculus jumaat tu la.."


... i thought that maybe he wasn't talking about the same camp.. because definitely he not supposed to tell anyone, right? ...

then, long story cut short... early morning on that friday, while my head was only thinking of polar equation.. polar coordinate.... polar form.... polar..polar... almost like a polar bear already...
tett..tett..tett..tett.... (message received)... 
  "...... bla...bla..bla.... pergi tak kem minggu ni...?"


.... i was like... huh?? this week...?? so.... it was exactly the same camp as that PPC guy said to me and other rangers said to me.... i haven't finish my html assingment, my cmpf project and presentation, my physic's revision, my csg banner for promotion on the next event, my revision on LINUX..... Ya Allah...

i know.... excuses!! .. some might say that i'm just looking 4 an excuse.. well, for your information... i'm not a type of person who would say,...
"oh, i'm sorry i can't go this program because i want to study"


... no...no....no...  since i was in kindergarten... i love activity and my study i will take a long with it.. not making it an excuse to be out from any events or activity but this time is different... especially when dealing with my PHYSICS... ( Allah the only one who knows my feelings whenever i hear that physics word)... but nobody else would understand.... i really want to go but next week definitely i will not going to catch up any physics theory if i didn't finish all my assignments and works this weekend...


so, here i am now.... at the masjid, trying to put my self back together.. but before that.. merpati wants to say thank you soooo much to both my best friends and "senior" for giving me some good advices. After istikharah and deep thought...its the best way.... yup, they might say that they know me and i can handle my time... but think again, I, knows my self better than anyone else right...?

...hope for the best hikmah from Allah... may Allah's bless be with me... amin.... : |

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